Day 37: Speeches

As I mentioned yesterday I am spending the long (French weekend) at Rabutin my uncle's farm in the deepest heart of agricultural France. There are around 30 of us (brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews, nieces, wives, husbands, partners, in-laws, out-laws, children, grand-children, fathers, mothers, grandmothers, grandfathers) covering 12 and 1/2 nationalities (French, American, Spanish, Catalan, Italian, Austrian, German, English, Albanian, Japanese, Moldovan, Belgian and Alsatian).

Of course when there are so many people gathered together somebody (who shall remain anonymous) needs to make a speech.  It's an interesting concept.  You wonder what is the purpose of the speech ? They usually come in three guises:

1. The long seriously boring speech.  I can only assume that the speech-giver is so worried that there might be an uncomfortable silence during the reunion that he or she has decided to filibuster the whole event.  Better to bore people stiff rather than let them realise they would rather be elsewhere.
2. The funny speech. (Perfected by my friend Shane). This has the benefit (if well done) of putting everybody in a good mood (the risk if done badly is embarrassment all around).  However you still wonder what was the purpose. Surely if I wanted to listen to a comedian I would be better off going to a stand up comedy show ? 
3. The thank you speech. Makes the least sense.  Has the person checked with everybody before showering praises on the host?  Maybe some of the guests are actually not satisfied? They didn't get a fair share of the spinach tart or they got too much nettle soup!  Shouldn't there be a democratic vote before the speech?   Or possibly we could ask all members for a ranking out of 5 of the experience.  Then the speech giver would adjust the speech to the average level (from a short Thanks to a long overly effusive outpouring of gratitude).  Also should we not vote on the speech giver?   Surely the democratic way (more on this subject in a future blog) would be to vote on who would the best representative of the group ?   We could then do practise speeches (secretly) before voting.

I know by now you expect me to finish these blogs with a radical solution, but I'll pass on this one.  I think I am blessed or doomed to hearing many more speeches.  Amusing, hilarious, moving, boring,  too short, too long, embarrassing, emotional, angry, uplifting, inappropriate, charming and passionate but most importantly heart felt.